you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
