Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
