I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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