college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
