You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
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