Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Two words: blizzard sex
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize