ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
