she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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