Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
it's like heaven, but drunker
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
We left an ass print on the piano.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize