I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
