I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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