when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
