His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
