at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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