moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Randomize
