How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
