I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
