You really coming over, don't trick.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize