My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
