How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize