her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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