i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize