So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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