Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
