you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize