My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
