I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Randomize
