He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
