awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
