Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
We got so high we made milksteak
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
