there's paper in my vomit.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
