Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
