I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
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