he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize