How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
