I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
