covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Randomize
