I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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