Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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