fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
