You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
