Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize