i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
a search helicopter?!
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
