Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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