I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Drunk is a universal language darling
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
