My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
