Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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