So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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