My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
