just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
