you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
