nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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