hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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