dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
