Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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