He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
