I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
