I intend to get homeless drunk
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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