so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize