Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
