honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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