I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
