Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
do nipples grow back?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
