i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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