I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
