another moral hangover. fuck.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
