just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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