we're blogging at a bar
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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