i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
