worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
should my penis look like a turkey
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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