when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
