Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
