how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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