I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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