Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
