I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
nut hugger
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
There's always time for handjobs
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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