One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
