Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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