So gin and wine won't be happening again
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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