Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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