remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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